Looking Back, Living Forward!🦋

What Would Your Younger You Think of You Now?

The other night, I was watching a show where the four main female characters looked back at their teenage selves and how they had handled a situation. Their adult selves were dealing with a similar experience, which brought about the remembrance scene.

They came to realize that how they dealt with things as their younger selves had shaped how they faced challenges as adults.

A few years ago, I wrote and presented a speech titled “I Must Apologize.” In it, there was a little girl with enormous dreams. She wanted to be everything — a model, artist, writer, journalist, actress, archaeologist, flight attendant, and more. As a teenager, she added veterinarian to the list because of her deep love for animals.

Then came the young adult who gave up on all those dreams ever amounting to anything. She dabbled in modeling, acted in a play, and wrote occasionally, but mostly she just tried to make a living — paycheck to paycheck.

Trying to get ahead, but always just missing the mark. Still doing what seemed practical — work that paid the bills, but rarely left anything extra to put away.

I had once considered going off to college or joining the military, but my great-grandmother wanted me to stay. I don’t blame her — it was ultimately my choice — but staying took the proverbial wind out of my sails. That decision led to taking jobs that were suggested or kept me around. Even after she passed, I stayed for several more years.

When I finally did move, I didn’t go about it smartly. I moved to be with someone, unsure if it would work out (it lasted a few years, that was it). Once I relocated, I took what I could get. I was even scammed by someone who hired me — a hard lesson learned in Vegas.

Regardless, the jobs I took, or thought I could do, never paid much — barely above minimum wage.

Did I do things I liked or enjoyed along the way? Yes. But too often, I allowed others to dictate the value of those things — and of me.

Do I blame those who told me what kind of work I should do? Or those who said something I enjoyed wouldn’t make any money or difference? The ones who said I couldn’t really draw and should just quit? Or that my voice was too high to be a singer, or that I didn’t show enough emotion when I sang? Or that writers don’t make money and always have to work other jobs?

Do I blame my great-grandmother for not wanting me to go to college or join the military?

Honestly, I want to. But I know the only one to blame is no one — not even myself.

I grew up during a time, and in an environment, where those who raised me only knew what they had been taught. They may have thought they were helping. You can’t fault people for things they didn’t know or understand.

No, I don’t blame anyone. I might want a scapegoat, but there isn’t one.

Someone once asked me, “What would you tell your younger self if you could go back in time?”

There isn’t just one thing I would tell her.

Mainly, I’d tell her to believe in herself and her dreams. To try new things — good things (not drugs, wild parties, etc.). If she wanted to be an artist, keep drawing, no matter what anyone said. If she wanted to be a writer or journalist — do it. Go on an archaeological dig as a volunteer before investing four to six years in becoming an archaeologist. Join the Air Force or whatever military branch she really wanted.

But above all else:

Be true to yourself.

Don’t let negative voices detour you or slow you down.

I did — and now, with my health not being what it once was, I sometimes feel the rush to get everything out while I still can. I want to travel and see other countries while I still feel up to it. I want to paint and draw what I want — whether someone else likes it or not. I’m finally realizing my art is for me.

There will always be naysayers in life. But you need to be able to hug them, send them love, and still follow what your heart tells you is right for you.

So… what would my younger me think of me now?

Knowing me then, she’d cry with me (because I’m tearing up as I write this). She’d give me a big hug and say:

“Wow… look at all we’ve done. I’m glad we went on this journey. We’ve seen things no one else will ever see. Done things we didn’t think we would. Met some great people and saved some puppies too. And we’ll do more. Maybe not everything — but we still have time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You, well we did good.”

We can wish to go back and change things, but that’s not how life works.

A wise person once said,

“If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, then you’re pissing on the present.”

And they were right.

Personally, I like living in the present so much, I want it to become my future — for many, many years to come. I’m still shooting for 250-ish years! First, I just need to get back in shape (which is slowly happening), and move to a healthier country. I’m thinking Italy, Greece, Germany, Ireland, Scotland… I have a few more on my list. But clean eating and joyful living will definitely be part of the journey.

Anyway…

What would your younger you think?

Have you listened to and with your heart — or to others?

Live in the present.

Be grateful for all of it: the past, the present, the future — the good, the not-so-good… and the magnificent you.

You are wonderful.

Till next time…

May your moments be filled with love, laughter, hugs, and heaps of blessings.

Love to you all. 💕