Happy Sunday!
Quick update before I go into my mixed emotions story. I have managed to keep all my goals for this quarter, even when I didn’t feel well, was traveling, or just not into doing them. So far, I am the only one in the group that has not missed any. Although two of our group have had emergencies in their families, so their missed days are completely warranted. But I am succeeding in my goals.
Now for the story of my mixed emotions. You know how I’ve been saying I need to take better care of myself, do better at getting to bed at a decent time, eat right, and exercise? Well, I had blood work done earlier this week and had another confirmation that the time is NOW, not in the future, for getting myself together if I want to be around for my niece and nephew’s future endeavors.
Let me backtrack to last week when I took a loved one to the ER. One of the tests that the doctor ran was a blood test to see if there were any signs of a possible clot that could be causing their chest pains. The results came back clear. Jump forward to my blood test—I asked my doctor to run that same test on me since I have chest pains off and on. Well… she called me yesterday (yes, on a Saturday), did a tele-visit, and suggested a few times that I might want to consider going to the ER. If I didn’t want to do that (which I didn’t), she recommended having imaging done as soon as possible. Tomorrow, I will be making the phone call to see if I can get in by Wednesday. Now I’m asking myself if this could be the reason (other than bad sleep habits) that I’ve been so tired lately. If the neck pain that I’m going to physical therapy for is possibly related, and, well, the chest pains I’m guessing are most likely related. After talking with my doctor and taking a short nap, I woke up not depressed per se but definitely in a low mood. This low mood is still hovering, and I’m not liking it at all. Of course, the chest pains have been more pronounced today than yesterday, but I think it’s because I’m paying more attention to them (in case I have to explain them to an ER doctor).
Why are my feelings mixed, you may wonder? Because I’m grateful, glad we found this out before something bad or deadly happened. I’m sad and upset because I didn’t take my health seriously enough to prevent it. Am I beating myself up for not doing better sooner? Kinda. But I’m also hugging myself with a bit more love. Doing things that are fun, with family, and for me.
For instance, I stepped out of my game comfort zone and played a real computer game with my boyfriend, my sister, and her husband. It’s something I wouldn’t probably play on my own because, well, I’d die a lot, and get lost away from the safe zone of the castle (I do that already with the others there), which would mean I’d be killed probably by an ogre, wolf, or some other huge creature. But I enjoyed it. Why? Because my boyfriend spent time helping me, showing me things, which was fun time together. My sister and brother-in-law were glad that we all could spend time together even if it was in a game and talking via phone/Discord about the logistics of what to do, where to go, and who to attack (we are vampires in the game). It was fun.
Where are the mixed emotions? I’m a blend of sad and happy, sorrowful and cheerful, scared and unafraid. I don’t want to let fear win out because then the negative will take over.
So how do you deal with scary or negative news? Do you let the fear overcome you and win, or do you smile and do whatever you can to be happy?
I think I’m going to go with the latter—smile and do whatever I can to be happy. Am I getting things in order “just in case”? Yes, probably not very fast, but deciding things (found a book about what to do when I’m gone). Do I want to think about stuff like that? HELL NO! I’m supposed to live at least till I’m 250 years old or preferably be immortal. But in reality, that will only happen in the memories of loved ones and whatever legacy I leave behind, such as my books and art. Guess I better get my butt/fingers in gear and write my books and draw/paint my art. It doesn’t do any good if it stays in my head.
Anyway, let’s not be sad. Let’s enjoy life to the fullest or best of our abilities and have fun with whatever. I do apologize for the ramble, though, so go have a great week and please Take Care of Yourselves!!!
May you have tons of hugs, laughter, love, and blessings to fill your days. I’ll say hey again on Wednesday. 🥰
Oh, and enjoy my latest completed project…
We are Creatively Unlimited! 
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