“The Voice That Whispers, and the Strength to Silence It”

I have an upcoming speech that I’m currently writing and will be giving this coming Saturday at my Toastmasters club.

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while, but because I was working on my novel, I kept putting it off. Now I’m ready to move forward with this speech.

What is the topic, you may be wondering?

Suicide.

It’s a touchy subject — and a sad one. People tend to stay away from topics that make them uncomfortable, and I get that. But it’s something that needs to be understood. I’m not saying it should be condoned, but it does need to be understood.

The title of my speech is: “I Get It.”

I do get why some people can’t hold out and feel it’s better to leave this world. Not that I would take my own life. I tried that once as a teenager, and I seriously think that’s part of the reason my kidneys are screwed up — and possibly the reason for a few other medical issues.

As a teenager, I felt lost, unloved, unheard, and unwanted. So why stay around? Why continue being the burden I seemed to be? I had an abusive childhood, and while my teen years were not as bad, there was still the mental and emotional pain. The physical abuse was over since I was living with a different set of parents, but there were other things to deal with. I’m not going to go into great detail here (I’ll put it in a book), but just because the scars are not visible doesn’t mean they’re not there.

Anyway, as a silly teenager, I had heard that aspirin was often used by girls to take their lives, and my thinking was — why not? I took what I thought was a whole bottle (found out later it wasn’t). All it did was make me sleepy. After a long nap, I got up and went on with life. I didn’t tell anyone until years later about what I did.

Since then, the thought has crossed my mind, and if I’m being honest — the thought is always there in the back of my mind. But now, for different reasons.

Would I ever do it now? No. No matter how tempting it may be, I would not.

I have too much I want to accomplish in this world. Hell, if I could find a way to extend my life a few hundred years (of course, I’d want to look and feel good), I would do it. Immortality might not be so bad either.

I’m learning that life is like a labyrinth, and there are ways to navigate it. Some paths are complicated, while others are easy. There are even times when failure seems like the only outcome — but most often, in failure, we find success… just in a different way than originally planned or hoped for.

Currently, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wake up in some sort of discomfort or pain. If you’ve been following me or read any of my earlier blogs, you know some of my medical issues — the reasons for said discomfort. Recently, I’ve had injections in both my knees, both elbows, and my wrist. The injections are helping a little for the knees; the elbows and wrist, not so much.

I also recently found out my kidney levels have dropped, and for some strange reason, my blood pressure is fluctuating a wee bit on the high side (I had it under control). A few other things are bothering me too — my eyes, brain fog, and fatigue. These are the times when that negative little voice likes to speak up, telling me how much of a burden I am on my sweetheart, family, and friends.

I have to find the strength deep within to silence it — or at least quieten the noise long enough to breathe through the negativity. It’s gotten easier for me through the years to shush it, but it’s still there… just quiet.

One thing I try to remind myself is that “Life is not only short, but it’s more precious than anything else.” We have to figure ourselves out and learn what will work for us. You can’t heal me, just as I can’t heal you. But we can be there for one another.

So… if you know someone who’s showing signs of depression or possibly having suicidal thoughts, please, please, please do me a favor — don’t tell them “it’s nothing,” or “everything will be okay,” or “maybe if you went to church, you’d get better.” That’s a load of crap.

If someone had told me during my dark times that I needed to get right with Jesus, I probably would’ve said, “You’re right — I’ll go meet him personally.” That just might’ve pushed me over the edge to go meet my maker, because I had questions. Thankfully, during those times, I was spending a lot of time alone and was able to see within myself.

I understand not everyone can do that. There is help out there — and being a good friend, family member, or even a stranger who will listen can help. But when you do… be present. No cell phone. No TV. No distractions. Just listen. Let them know they matter and are worthy of every second.

Now, to end this heavy blog post, I’d like to give each of you a hug and wish you love, laughter, and many blessings.

Remember… be present more.

Take care and have a fabulous week. 💜

💜 If You Need Help

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, please reach out:

📞 Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) 🌐 Visit 988lifeline.org for chat and additional resources.

You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 — free and confidential. 💕

If you want to hear my speech, you can join us this coming Saturday, November 15th at 7:30 a.m. CST online or in person. Harpeth View Toastmasters: https://hvtm.toastmastersclubs.org/

Written with love and awareness for all who’ve ever felt unseen. May you always find light when the darkness whispers. 🌙