Procrastination…

“The definition of procrastination is to put something off until later, per Webster’s Dictionary: delaying or postponing.”

“Why do we procrastinate? I used to think it was because I was lazy and was made to believe that that was the case. ‘Lazy,’ which fed into the belief of being useless and/or worthless.”

“Now I know that isn’t right and far from it. But still, there is the thought in the back of my mind that says, ‘Yes it is, those descriptions are right.’ Sadly, at times, it can be a struggle within to show myself that I am worthy, I am useful, and I’m far from lazy.”

“Recently I read something on the internet (Google, my friend) that stated: Procrastination is not from being lazy but from being stressed or overwhelmed. My first thought was, ‘I’m not stressed. I work from home, have a fabulous spouse that loves and supports me, friends and family that love me. I don’t drive anymore (which was a major stress for me when I was working for someone at a job I didn’t like). So surely it’s more me being lazy, right?'”

“Well, once I started looking closer at myself and what I was doing and wasn’t doing, I realized my pattern. When I get overwhelmed (which is mostly my own doing), I begin to shut down, or in other words, I procrastinate on a huge scale. I stop writing, drawing, painting, exercising, pretty much the things that I enjoy and love doing, or things that help me stay healthy – I stop. Self-sabotage, I become my own worst enemy.”

“I’m not sure where this stems from or how it came about, since I’ve really only seen this happening to me on this large of a scale for the last (hate to admit this) 2 years. It is possible that I’ve done this for longer, but since I always worked for others and kept myself busy with volunteering at the church I went to, I didn’t notice what I would do regarding ‘me.’ I know I kept putting off writing and art back then, so I guess it was actually more than I realized.”

“I would tell myself then and at times even now, ‘that I’m not talented enough, smart, or creative enough. You need training to do any of those things at the scale I want to do them. Not worthy often comes to mind.’ But you know what – I have been my own horrible critic and not in a productive or creative way.”

“How do I stop this self-sabotaging behavior? Also, understanding that it’s not going to happen overnight is key. Having patience with myself and being okay with the gradual progress as long as I end the sabotaging in the long run.”

“My steps I’m going to take to work on getting out of this loop I’ve gotten myself in… First, recognizing and admitting that you/I am in this loop and doing it is a major step. Second, I’m in an accountability group. I set my daily, weekly, and quarterly goals and if we don’t keep them, the person missing pays a penalty per day for the missed goal. At the end of the quarter, the one with the least missed goals gets to donate all the money collected to a charity of their choice.”

“Third, do my best to catch myself when I begin slipping and to lovingly guide myself back on track. Allowing myself the same love and courtesy I show others.”

“Fourth, keep track of my accomplishments and not the down/disappointment days. I can acknowledge the disappointments but not dwell on them.”

“Fifth, DON’T OVERLOAD Myself, pick a project for that hour, day, week, whatever and work on that one. Don’t try to work on several things at once, or worry about working on several things. Because that is where I overwhelm myself.”

“Last (at least for now), take better care of myself. Start exercising again, and eat better. Limit gluten or get rid of it altogether, more veggies, more water, and fewer sweets.”

“Okay, so I have a plan of sorts. I have my goals and I have a timeline for some things. I will also be patient with myself (I’ll do my best). I’ll keep you all updated. Till then, be kind to all, including yourself. Hugs and blessings 🌻.”