Apologies to Me

I apologize to me.   No one else but me.

What do I apologize for some may ask.  How can you or why would you have to be apologetic to yourself?  First, it is for not writing my blog.  I started off on a good burst of energy and then disappeared.  Second, I apologize for not keeping up with writing several of my books (I didn’t stop, just a snail’s pace).  Third, and one of the most important – not taking the best care of me that I could possibly do.

One of the things that happened and completely distracted me from writing my blog (and books) is I found out that I had to have a hysterectomy.   The last thing I wanted was another surgery.  December of 2016 I had my gallbladder out and that was the 15th surgery since birth.  “NO MORE SURGERIES FOR ME!”, I screamed – silently within my own mind.

Hate to admit it but I almost felt sorry for myself.  I became irritable more often, along with wanting to cry even though I rarely did cry.   This then started me on an internal emotional roller coaster.   I was mostly still happy but with a mix of other “not so happy” feelings, which I would do my best to hide from those I love and care about or I would chalk them up to menopause.  Yay, menopause.  So I didn’t blog my feelings or experiences.

Then against my internal voices I scheduled the surgery.   And can you guess what month?  Yep, December.  I caved (crying pretty much most of the way there, while getting blood drawn, doing paperwork, getting the IV started for the anesthesia and pretty much till they knocked me out) and had the hysterectomy.  The staff was great and keep asking me if I was OK.  I just told them — “I Don’t Want The Surgery”.  Finally, I allowed myself to release and be at peace with “loosing my female parts” in a way.  They took out my uterus, cervix and more tumors than originally seen on the MRI.   Recovery went fabulous and I had an amazing nurse.  My boyfriend and Love puts up with me and the hormonal mood swings (then and now but they are better) .

So I apologize for not blogging through my feelings, although it probably would have helped a lot.  I apologize for not taking the time I had while recouping to write, and most importantly, I apologize for not taking better care of myself early on and unfortunately my current health has to get better.

Recently I was told I have a fatty liver (several causes – eating crap before, being a vegetarian the last several years, eating crap, getting my gallbladder out, and again eating better things that were also processed crap) and something like a granuloma on the adrenal gland of one of my kidneys.  Soooo, guess who is making some major life changes?  You guessed it not me.  LOL – Yes I am!  I have cut out gluten, starches, processed foods, sugars except for fruit and then eating them only once a week and mostly berries.  I’m also adding in more cruciferous vegetables, dark greens, vitamins, and other good things.  I will be starting an exercise program within the next week (or two).

But this time I hope to continue writing my blog post and share my journey, not hide what I was feeling and going through.  I want to help people.  And just like the name of my business Potential Unlimited Wellness, I want all of us to have wellness of body, spirit, mind and soul.  Not perfection.  If we were perfect we would be on a boring path and I love life and want to be on the path of becoming the healthiest and happiest I can be.

Join me on my journey of becoming Unlimited and Healthy.

Ho’oponopono

Love, Peace and Blessings

Dorey 🙂